Love and Marriage: Friends

We had a wonderful brunch today with three of Miss O's Godparents - our dear friends visiting from Paris, France and Belfast, Northern Ireland. The last time we were all together was for Miss O's baptism in October 2014, so today's meal was very precious.

We gathered around our well-loved table, pulling Miss O's highchair in tight so she wouldn't miss anything. As we were one chair short The Beloved perched on the little red ottoman making him resemble a hobbit. The spread was simple family style: sliced white crusty loaf nestled in a Provencal basket; four sheep cheeses met their end on a wooden board; a caprese salad with colorful heirloom tomatoes bathed in olive oil and balsamic; a platter of meats and a bowl of olives. Tasty, simple, pure.

Normal service had been resumed in our new home. Close friends feasting at the kitchen table.

The Church of Ireland marriage service liturgy states:

"In marriage husband and wife begin a new life together in the community."

It doesn't suggest that perhaps, maybe it might be a good idea for you to think about who you are going to walk out this marriage with. It doesn't hint that it's not great for any couple to be an island. It doesn't propose that you might possibly need others to keep you sane, faithful, married. Husband and wife begin their new married life in the community with other people. Period. 

Over the last 15 years we have found that we need community around us for our marriage to flourish and at times, to simply survive. We have friends that we both know and I have (need) my friends and The Beloved needs his. We have friends who are single, married, widowed or divorced; friendships that span over 20 years and new ones that are months old. 

We are blessed with soul mates; people who have been with us in the trenches and on the mountain tops. I'm not sure we deliberately chose those people. They're all very different from us and each other. Maybe that's why it works! It's not about comparisons, competitions or corrections - we're each others cheerleaders, coaches and cup bearers. As our friends love me and my family they woo me to keep going and to love more. 

Thank-you dear friends ... you know who you are!

Inspiration: Friendship

“Friendship is born at that moment when one man says to another: "What! You too? I thought that I was the only one"”

― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

I'm honored to have friendships locally and globally that were birthed in this way. I have people with whom I have shared sorrows and struggles, fears and failures, joy and jubilation. And deep bonds of love have grown out of that honesty.

Created to live in community, us humanoids have such capacity for careless generosity. It's only when we give of ourselves do we become richer in friendship. As we tell our stories our shame and disappointments lose some of their sting and hold as we hear others say, "What! You too? I thought that I was the only one." It's there that we find a new way to be at home with the world and ourselves.