Did you know that if the nerve along your jaw that crosses your chin is damaged it will regrow at the rate of 1cm a month? Mad eh? It's over two months since my wisdom teeth surgery and whilst the lisp has gone, I still don't have complete feeling in my chin or lower teeth. Altogether a rather unhelpful situation. The surgeon says she's pretty sure I'll get 100% feeling back .... eventually. My wonderful chiropractor is helping with some laser acupuncture to stimulate regrowth, and regular doses of ibuprofen and a nightly hot water bottle to the jaw, will all help nature on her way.
I've mostly got used to the weird numbness, I even find kissing The Beloved a new adventure as with each kiss I'm not sure what I'll be able to feel!
I find with most circumstances in life, there's a bigger lesson to learn if I'll open up and listen. Recently, I've started to become acutely aware of the places in my heart, mind and spirit, where I've become comfortably numb. And let's be honest, we all have them.
Some of these are spaces where we've chosen not to feel because we're hurt, offended, proud or selfish.
They can be places that we've anesthetized through drink, drugs, food, doing fabulous things with only fabulous people, or turning a blind eye.
In some of these are places the trauma is so raw or was so sudden, that the whole area is in shock. In others the wounds are so deep, our nerves are dead.
Despite the fact that these areas create a hard, isolated, cold and sad version of oneself, where life is limited and potential squeezed; taking steps to soften, engage and defrost those spaces is a frightening prospect. After all, when you're numb you're protected, in control, deadened.
I wonder what would happen if we were open to a little healing, softening, resurrection?
You see, I don't want to live a numb life. I want to be free and able to feel the whole spectrum of emotions. I want to rejoice with those in joy and grieve with those who weep. I want to shout loudly in the face of any injustice; and to laugh till my face is like a beetroot and the tears are tripping me. Even in the spaces where I am hurting the most I want to still have it in me to be love to another.
I'm continuing to ask God to show me the places where I am (un)comfortably numb. Over time His tender love is bringing back feeling; His kind mercies are restoring sensations, and His resurrection power is surging life into dry bones.
How about coming with me to a life full of sensation?
