Friends

Last week I had the chance to go to a Q&A with Don Miller and Bob Goff. They encouraged us to be true to who we are and not what society expects of us. You could feel the angst ridden 5 W and 1 H questions popping across the room. What, who, where, when, why and how? Be yourself. Easy to say, hard to find and be.

But perhaps the key was right before us. These two men are working out who they are uniquely meant to be through their tender, generous friendship. They graciously, humbly allowed the 100 odd people in the room a momentary glimpse behind the curtain. The magic they created wasn't born out of the shallow waters of flattery but rose of out the depths of authenticity.

Bob Goff talked of how he would make a terrible 'Don' and how 'Don' would be a rubbish 'Bob'. Nice. Within that paradigm unhealthy comparisons and self-righteous judgements have no air time. Rather there is permission to be true to oneself, to be dramatically different and still know love. That's a pretty good recipe for friendship.

Recently I've been thinking about the concept of accountability in friendship. The idea makes me uncomfortable, it feels so disempowering. All the privilege rests with the other person and my agency is deemed worthy or appropriate by their yardstick. Now I'm not saying we let our friends stick their hand in the proverbial fire without a warning shout; but I wonder what would happen if we moved from holding our friends accountable to holding their hand as we jump into the big sea of being mutually known?

Perhaps a posture of 'calling out' the true-self in our friendships would open up spaces and vistas hidden by the veils of disappointment, demerits and missed expectations. We could then spend our times together talking about our dreams and how we're going to get there. We could devise ways of practicing repentance and seeking forgiveness. We could hold up our friends arms when they're weary, cheer SO loudly when they take off and mourn when they are hurt.

I need my friends to help me find my voice, to illumine my gifts and heal my wounds. I need them to guide me to myself and Jesus. In them I find Emmanuel - God with me, with hands, hugs, lips, laughter and tears. For that I am eternally grateful.

Thank-you Don and Bob for letting the world see your friendship. May we learn to know ourselves better as we cherish our friends.

 
Me and my best friend! Dec 2012